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Dating/ Intimate Partner Violence

Healthy Relationships Make Us Feel…

  •   Supported and respected
  •   Confident and optimistic
  •   Loved and cared for
  •   Physically and emotionally safe
  •   Happy

If this doesn’t sound like your relationship, you may be experiencing an imbalance of power that already has or may lead to assaultive and coercive behavior. This may include physical, sexual, and psychological attacks as well as economic control.  

Relationships don’t generally start out hurtful. The control and violence emerges over time, often after a great deal of emotional investment and commitment.  If you are just getting to know someone, trust your instincts. Take time to get to know someone. Communicate your expectations and boundaries from the beginning.

If you think you are being abused now, be assured the violence is not your fault. Partners often try to put the blame for their actions on the person they have hurt. There is no excuse for violence. Consider talking to a friend, family member or resource person who puts your safety first.

You don’t have to be alone – advocates are here to support you.

If you think you may be abusing your partner, take responsibility for your words and actions. Don’t blame your behavior on your partner, drugs, alcohol, stress, school or other excuses. Separate from your partner for now and seek help. Contact counseling services at UHS to talk to someone who can help you to stop the violence in your relationship.

 

Common Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

  •   Your partner resents time you spend with others; is jealous.
  •   You are afraid of your partner when they become angry.
  •   Your partner has physically harmed you or threatened to hurt you, themselves or your loved ones.
  •   You are afraid to end this relationship.
  •   You’ve done things you didn’t want to do to keep your partner from getting angry.
  •   Your partner disrespects your feelings or beliefs; ridicules or humiliates you or those close to you.
  •   Your partner wants to know where you are every minute; texts constantly, turns up unexpectedly, and tracks you in any other way.
  •  Your partner takes your money, car, valuables. 

You can’t control your partner’s violence, but you can choose your own actions and responses.

You do not need to have made a decision about the future of your relationship to talk to someone about it. If you are ready to start the conversation, you can reach out to a Confidential Advocate or other support resources below:

Resources

On Campus

Confidential counselors are available at the University Health Services in Social Services, Counseling & Psychological Services and Be Well at Work Employee Assistance (for Faculty and Staff).  If you are afraid for your safety, you may seek help from your local police department who can help with restraining orders and a safety plan. 

University Health Services is also a counseling resource for those who may be hurting their partners. Contact one of the above units and ask for help. 

Community

The Alameda County Family Justice Center, (510) 267-8800: one-stop center with multiple providers under one roof serving individuals and families impacted by violence.  They can provide or link people to a wide range of services.

24-Hour CRISIS Lines

  • A Safe Place, (510) 536-7233
  • Asian Women’s Shelter (SF), 1 (877) 751-0880
  • Tri-Valley Haven, 1 (800) 884-8119
  • Family Violence Law Center, 1 (800) 947-8301
  • National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1 (800) 799-7233

 

 

Sexual Assault

Sexual Assault Resource Information Description

 

Having safe and healthy sex can be an exciting endeavor for a lot of individuals. Consent is an integral part of safe and healthy sexuality because consent is giving permission to engage in sexual activity with another individual. Encouraging healthy relationship norms and affirmative consent are responsibilities of the entire community. 

 

What Consent Can Look Like:

  • Explicitly asking and communicating with your sexual partner if they are okay with initiating or progressing any sexual activity

“Are you comfortable with . . .”

  • Communicating with your sexual partner beforehand of what you need, desire, and what you are comfortable with

“I would enjoy doing . . .”

  • Using clear and well-established physical or non-verbal cues and communication between partners to initiate or progressing any sexual activity

Ex. Nodding your head 

 

What Is Not Consent:

  • Ignoring or not acknowledging “No” 
  • Silence, Doubt, or Uncertainty
  • Mental and physical incapacitation due to the influence of drugs and/or alcohol
  • Assuming past consent or behaviors are consent for other sexual activity
  • Lack of verbal or physical resistance to sexual advances
  • Pressuring, forcing, or coercing someone to consent 

If consent is absent, ignored, or forced, there has been a violation of your rights and there may have been a sexual assault. 

 

Sexual assault is an unbrella term that encompasses any and all forms of nonconsenual, sexual contact or behavior. Sexual assault can happen to anyone of any race, ethnicity, age, gender identity, sexuality, marital status, religion, or socioeconomic background. This can happen between friends, marital or long-term relationship partners, casual sexual partners, colleagues, employees/employers, acquaintances, strangers etc. 

 

Forms of Sexual Assault:

  • Rape or Attempted Rape
  • Unwanted Sexual Touching or Physical Contact
  • Forced Sexual Acts
  • Sexual Coercion/Exploitation
  • Incest or Child Sexual Abuse
  • Stealthing – the non consensual removal of safer sex barriers (condoms, dental damns, gloves) during sexual activity 

 

Medical Resources:

SART exams, also known as “Rape Kits” or Foresnsic Evidence Collection Kits, is a way to recieve thorough medical care and collect forensic evidence for investigations and proescution after an assault. Due to the sensitive nature of evidence collection and preservation, SART exams are typically done within 72 hours (3 days) of the assault. Within 5 days of the assault, emergency contraception is given if medically appropriate. There is no time limit to receive a general medical exam to assess injuries or recieve STI or HIV testing. For more information on SART exams, please refer to this site.

 

If you would like to receive a SART exam, you can go to the emergency department at Highland Hospital (1411 East 31st Street, Oakland, CA 94602). The Student Health Services (Tang Center) or your primary care physician do not conduct SART exams but can provide general medical attention like treating injuries, STI testing, and prescribing medical contraception. 

 

*Medical personnel are required by law to report any suspicion of assault to the police. However, a survivor has the right to choose whether to report to law enforcement or to change their mind at a later time. 

 

Resources

Some people who have been through similar experiences may not be comfortable identifying with these terms or labels. If you have experienced something similar to these incidents and would like to speak to someone about it, you can reach out to a Confidential Advocate at PATH to Care or other support resources below:

 

On Campus Counseling:

    • Social Services: (510) 642-6074)
      • After-hours support line: (855) 817-5667
      • Social Services offers counseling, crisis intervention and support, referrals, and clinical case management for students

 

  • After-hours support line: (855) 817-5667

 

      • CAPS offers short-term counseling and psychiatric services for students

 

 

    • Be Well at Work is the campus faculty and staff program that provides free and confidential problem assessment and referrals.

 

Community:

 

  • 470 27th St, Oakland, CA 94612
  • Community organization that offers free and confidential in-person counseling, advocacy, referrals, and hospital, police, and courtroom accompaniment for individuals impacted by sexual assault and rape. 
  • * Closest center to campus
  • 3543 18th Street, #7, San Francisco, CA 94110

 

    • Community organization that offers free and confidential peer counseling, support groups, medical & legal advocacy, and referrals. 

 

24 Hour CRISIS Lines:

  • Bay Area Women Against Rape Hotline: (510) 845-7273
  • San Francisco Women Against Rape Hotline: (415) 647-7273
  • National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1 (800) 656-4673

 

Reporting:

If you are afraid for your safety or want to report an incident, you may seek help from your local police department who can help with restraining orders, a safety plan, and investigations.

 

 

    • Emergency: (510) 981-5911

 

Please note these terms are defined and used differently depending on the context. 

Your experiences are valid, even if you don’t think they exactly match this definition, and the PATH to Care Center is here to support you.

 

To find definitions of conduct prohibited under UC policy, see the UC Policy on Sexual Violence and Sexual Harassment. You can consult a PATH to Care confidential advocate or the Office for the Prevention of Harassment and Discrimination (OPHD) for information about the UC Policy on SVSH. For definitions of crimes related to sexual violence, domestic violence, dating violence, and stalking, see the UCPD Annual Security and Fire Safety Report. You can also consult a PATH to Care confidential advocate or the University of California Police Department for more information.

Sexual Harassment

Sexual Harassment Resource Information

 

It is your right to feel safe and comfortable in your learning and work environment, free from harassment. Sexual harassment is any verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature which includes unwanted sexual advances or requests for sexual favors or acts. Sexual harassment can include offensive remarks about an individual’s sex (ex. women as a whole group). 

 

Sexual Harassment Can Include:

  • Unwanted sexually explicit texts, phone calls, emails, or photos
  • Unwanted physical contact
  • Street harassment – “Catcalling”
  • Offensive or explicit jokes regarding sexual acts or one’s sexual orientation
  • Inappropriate and explicit conversations regarding sexual acts
  • Pressuring someone to engage in sexual activity with someone else
  • Making work conditions dependent on sexual favors
    • Quid Pro Quo* Sexual Harassment 

 

Quid Pro Quo is a phrase used when a service, act, or item is exchanged for something in return, similar to the phrase “a favor for a favor.” Quid Pro Quo sexual harassment is when sexual favors are used by employers or people in power to set work or academic conditions. This abuse of power can be perpetrated by anyone who has power and authority over other individuals like employers, professors, teaching assistants/graduate student instructors, coaches, club presidents, etc. 

Examples of Quid Pro Quo include promising or offering a new job, a pay raise, better work opportunities, or a promotion in exchange for sexual favors. 

 

Sexual assault and sexual harassment are similar in that both behaviors take advantage of power differences in relationships, the workplace, or learning environment. The primary difference between the two is that sexual assault involves physical contact and sexual harassment does not. Sexual assault can result in criminal prosecution whereas sexual harassment violates civil laws. 

 

Resources

On Campus Counseling:

    • Social Services: (510) 642-6074)
      • After-hours support line: (855) 817-5667
      • Social Services offers counseling, crisis intervention and support, referrals, and clinical case management for students

 

  • After-hours support line: (855) 817-5667

 

Stalking

Stalking Resource Information

 

Nationally, 7.5 million people have experienced some form of stalking. Approximately 1 in 6 women and 1 in 17 men have experienced stalking at some point in their lifetime. Stalking is a pattern of unwanted and/or repeated direct or indirect contact by an individual towards another person that can communicate a threat, fear or intimidation. Often, a stalker is someone you  know, for example an ex-partner, co-worker, or someone you may have briefly come in contact with. Stalking can take place in person or through technology. Similar to sexual violence, stalking is way for individuals to assert power and control over others. The constant stress, fear, and worry that arises from being stalked can negatively impact someone’s health. 

 

 

SIGNS OF STALKING:

  • Someone repeatedly follows or is waiting in your location without cause.
  • Unwanted calls, texts, emails, or pictures sent to your home or work place.
  • Repeated letters or “gifts” given directly to you , or left in a location for you to find. The behavior continues  even after you request them to stop.
  • Obtaining information about you through 3rd parties, (friends, family, coworkers, etc.)
  • Excessive interaction on your social media accounts
  • Stalker knows personal information about you which you did not directly disclose.
  • Personal property is damaged or missing. Particular attention should be given to intimate or highly secured items.

 

USE OF TECHNOLOGY:

  • Stalking behavior is not limited to in person behavior. Many times a person may experience technology based abuse or “cyber stalking”. Cyber stalking includes harassment or threats via the internet.
  • Posting threatening or personal information on the internet (known as doxing)
  • Video-voyeurism
  • GPS tracking or software systems (via car, cell phone or cameras)

 

 

SAFETY:

You have the right to be concerned if you feel like you are being stalked. Stalking may lead to other escalated behavior so here are ways you can increase your safety:

 

  • Consider reporting to law enforcement or OPHD
  • Schedule an appointment with the PATH to Care Center to discuss safety planning strategies and reporting options with a confidential advocate. 
  • Document Evidence
    • Track time, date, location where the incident occured, and witnesses who may be aware of the behavior
    • If you are concerned about technology abuse and personal electronics keep physical copies of any evidence.  Storing information electronically may not be safe if personal devices are compromised. 
    • Keep any evidence received from the stalker such as letters or gifts . (do not respond)
  • Try to avoid contact with the person or places they may frequent. 
    • This may require you to  change or alternate your routes to and from home and work.  Carpooling and walking with a trusted friend are helpful safety strategies to try. 
  •  Inform family, friends, co-workers, and supervisors 
    • Request that no personal information about you is shared with anyone else, and ask that any information such as work schedules or employee photos are removed from visible spaces. 
  •  Practice online safety and awareness 
    • If you experience repeated email communication make it clear you want the behavior to end. Ex. Reply to a single email requesting all communication to cease
    • Do not continue to reply to online communication after your initial request.
    • Turn location off on all apps, phones, and computers.
    • Do not post pictures of your home or any other identifying information on social sites..
    • Have strong individual passwords for each login.
    • Do not approve friend requests from unknown accounts.  

 

 

 Resources

On Campus Counseling:

  • Social Services: (510) 642-6074)
    • After-hours support line: (855) 817-5667
    • Social Services offers counseling, crisis intervention and support, referrals, and clinical case management for students
  • Counseling & Psychological Services: (510) 642-9494
    • After-hours support line: (855) 817-5667
  •       CAPS offers short-term counseling and psychiatric services for students

 

 

 

    • Be Well at Work is the campus faculty and staff program that provides free and confidential problem assessment and referrals.

 

 

Confidential Resources:

  • PATH to Care Center: (510)-642-1988
    • 24/7 Care Line: (510) 643-2005 
    • A confidential, free, campus-based resource for urgent support around sexual assault, sexual harassment, interpersonal violence, stalking, and invasion of sexual privacy. 
  • Students Ombuds Office: 510-642-5754
    • Students Ombuds Office provides informal dispute resolution processes for any conflict or concern with a confidential Ombudsperson advocate.
  • Staff Ombuds Office: (510) 642-7823
    • Similar to the Students Ombuds Office, this is a resource for staff to discuss, create strategies, and resolve any workplace conflicts that may arise through mediation, training, or group conflict resolution.        

 

Community Resources:

 

  • 470 27th St, Oakland, CA 94612

 

      • 24/7 Hotline: 1 (800) 947-8301
      • FVLC provides legal assistance in obtaining Civil Harassment Restraining Orders, advisor representation during Title Ⅸ administrative proceedings, and legal advocacy. 

 

  • 470 27th St, Oakland, CA 94612
  • Community organization that offers free and confidential in-person counseling, advocacy, referrals, and hospital, police, and courtroom accompaniment for individuals impacted by sexual assault and rape. 

 

 

 

  • 3543 18th Street, #7, San Francisco, CA 94110

 

    • 24/7 Hotline: (415) 647-7273
    • Community organization that offers free and confidential peer counseling, support groups, medical & legal advocacy, and referrals. 

 

 

  • 470 27th St Oakland, CA 94612

 

    • 30 onsite and over 50 offsite agencies and programs that provide services and support to individuals and families who have experienced domestic violence, sexual assault and exploitation, child abuse, elder and dependent adult abuse, and stalking.

 

National Resources:

 

 

      • National Sexual Assault Hotline

 

 

 

Reporting:

 

Please note these terms are defined and used differently depending on the context. 

Your experiences are valid, even if you don’t think they exactly match this definition, and the PATH to Care Center is here to support you.

 

To find definitions of conduct prohibited under UC policy, see the UC Policy on Sexual Violence and Sexual Harassment. You can consult a PATH to Care confidential advocate or the Office for the Prevention of Harassment and Discrimination (OPHD) for information about the UC Policy on SVSH. For definitions of crimes related to sexual violence, domestic violence, dating violence, and stalking, see the UCPD Annual Security and Fire Safety Report. You can also consult a PATH to Care confidential advocate or the University of California Police Department for more information.